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A Suggestion Beyond Locking Your Door!?!
Q: About a month ago I was masturbating on my couch while fantasizing about my gorgeous neighbor. As I neared orgasm, I started to moan her name. Suddenly my door creaked open. She peeked in, then immediately shut the door. I'm sure she saw me. I haven't seen her since then and I'm wondering how I should handle it when I do. Any suggestions? - Thad, Boston, MA
A: Suggestion? Sure. Start walking around your apartment complex with a sandwich board that states, "I'm a Freaky Ass Pervert."
You're obviously pretty smooth. If you're interested in this neighbor and she's available you've got a challenge. You need to walk a very fine line between demonstrating your interest in a more PG fashion, and avoiding a restraining order. It may not be a good idea to mention your practice session. Instead, just shoot her a note telling her you think she's gorgeous and other flattering terms you believe, and ask if she'll go out with you. Some people may actually like your unique approach. The operative word is "Some." The King has heard of stranger things happening. And strange people and strange things...
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