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The Sex is Incredible - Time to Date Other People?
Q: Okay here's the scoop.... the guy I've been with for several months now says I should be dating other people since I recently (a year ago) got out of a long marriage, BUT he also says it would "bother him" to think of me dating other people! I was dating for quite a while and only want HIM now. I have been asked out a lot and have said 'no' because I'm crazy about my guy (we're not using 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' terms yet) Now I'm getting frustrated and wondering which path to take. The sex is absolutely incredible but he says he wants to 'keep it simple'. Sooo.... should I stop having sex with him (or anyone else!) and just start dating only? Maybe then I'll find out what he really feels for me? Amy, Michigan
A: Dear Amy,
My response has two different versions: some great advice and a funny rant idea based on a discussion with one of my closest advisors. Take your pick or mix and match. You’ll be fine either way. Let us know how it goes.
GREAT ADVICE
It’s nice to find a terrific guy, but more importantly, as he is in "keep it simple" mode, congrats on being asked out a lot! Nothing beats having options. It’s fun to be crazy about your current guy. It always helps the craziness factor when the sex is absolutely incredible.
Nobody wants to be the rebound guy, but is he being totally honest? It has been a year as you mentioned, and he must know that you’ve gotta get over things. (We’re assuming you’re not still mentally wrapped up in your last marriage, which is admittedly a big assumption). If you've explained to him that you’re past the rebound stage and after several months you only want to be with him, he can’t hide behind the rebound thing. He’s "bothered" by the dating idea (HIS IDEA!), yet he’s willing to taking a big gamble on losing you.
That being said, guys that want to "keep it simple" yet still have sex are usually on a transparent quest to further their own prime objective. Perhaps he was seeing you because he knew you weren’t looking into long term. We don’t know many interested guys that would tell the woman they’re with to date other people and thus PERHAPS come back to them.
The bottom line is that if he’s requesting you keep your options open and date, it must be done. You said it yourself, you need to find out what he really feels for you. Tell him you're going to take his advice and start dating. If you truly matter to him, he’ll come around fast. You decide who you should or shouldn’t have sex with. As we say around here, sex changes everything (thank goodness).
RANT IDEA (if you’re into a bit of wicked fun):
Start by making an "L" sign with your forefinger and your thumb. Now place it on your forehead. This is the kind of man you're dating, and it's YOU unless you dump him within one week.
Why one week? I'm glad you asked. First, this enables you to take advantage of a week of awesome sex. Let's face it, it's a jungle out there, and it may be awhile until you find great sex again, so better get it while you can. He's been sleeping with you until something better comes along, why not do the same?
Get a free meal out of him. Dress in your hottest outfit. On the way home after dinner, tell him you have been thinking about what he said and that you think maybe it's a great idea to sleep with other people. ( He said "date other people". He means "sleep with other people". Throw the words at him and watch him squirm)
Have a friend send you some anonymous flowers and leave you a note "just to say hey baby" in a man's handwriting tacked to your front door. If he questions it, say you think it's best to "keep it simple" and not to talk about other men. Have a friend call you when he's there. Answer it, giggle, blush, play with your hair, say "I have company crazy boy. Yes, you are crazy....no I'm not, it's you.....no, you, you, you are the funny one...can I call you later? Okay? Me too. bye. No you hang up first, no you, okay....bye!" Smile a lot after you hang up the phone. He'll be writhing with testosterone.
This should give you a clear indication of how he feels about you. Dump him anyway on day 7. Even if he loves you, he's a loser. Dump him flat. Give him no hope. Say you think it's time to go your separate ways and you don't think you should have any contact with him.
Okay, now take the "L" sign off your forehead and get to work on the 7-day dumping plan. You're better off alone than with a loser. Find yourself a real boyfriend who is man enough to just be with you.
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