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Should I Ask Her Out If She's in a Relationship (& keeps me styled)?
Q: Dear KingLove,
I have this problem, I have this eye for a female friend. But she has a boyfriend. But I would like to tell her how I feel about her. But not ?$%# over our friendship and a hair dresser. Need some help on this problem. Ronald, U.S.A.
A: Somebody's smitten, Ronald!
You ask a very popular question. It's easy to fall in love with your hair dresser. Who doesn't enjoy having a beautiful woman's rack in your face or rubbing against the back of your head for a half hour? If you're coming in for a hairstyle three times a week, she may know you have some interest.
Your moral dilemma of respecting dating status, is additionally problematic as you fear losing both a friend and a hairdresser. Perhaps even more important than friends & good hair days, is if she has a very large boyfriend that knows you know about him. He will probably not take very kindly to you making a direct overture with his lady. It's a free ride to the top of his s*#%-list, and it works the other way, too. As a dear friend once said to me, "A woman scorned may be sharper than a serpent's tooth, but a man scorned busts heads."
If you just openly tell her how you feel about her under the current circumstances, the odds are nothing good can come from it. She knows that you know she's in a relationship. You will either lose a friend or gain a girlfriend who likes to dump her boyfriends the minute someone else comes along.
The best thing to do is to ask some questions. Qualify the lead. If you ask her, "how did your boyfriend find such an incredible lady." She'll be flattered. SUBTLE flirting is always OK. Women love men that are curious and a bit bold. Ask her how long their relationship has been going on... If they have a lot in common... and if they have the same future goals. Most people dating aren't too sure of the last one. Basically you'll get an idea of how the relationship is going. Only a few women wouldn't honestly answer the questions if they're asked in a conversational way, and they aren't worth dating in the long run.
If she has some things she wants to talk about offer to take her out for a drink or something. If she says yes, you'll know very soon if you can continue to compliment her and give her more than subtle interest. If she's wavering, ask her to help you find a cool lady like herself. It could be fun to get her perspective on dating, and you may end up becoming better friends. Many people have a hard time trying to find anyone as sexy as themselves! To draw a strange political analogy, it was Dick Cheney's job to find the best qualified VP when Bush decided to run for President. Surprise! Who do you think Cheney found?
It's possible she may not have a great relationship, and may be interested in you. If she IS happy in a great relationship, you've got to decide how important she is to you. If she's happy and/or in love, and you believe her, you're either a snake, or you know this woman is for you and have to take the chance to tell her. Nothing risked, nothing gained. Since they aren't engaged or married, the bottom line is technically she's still on the market. Once again, don't forget the ultimate irony. If she is truly happy with her guy, and you're able to steal her away, you'll always have to keep an eye out for the next guy as clever as you.
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