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Should I Date a Stripper?
Q: Hey KingLove,
My friends took me to a classy strip club for my birthday a few days ago and I had a blast. All of the girls were very attractive but one in particular. I ended up talking to this girl for about 10 min about her life and she is the same age as me and is paying for college by doing this on her breaks from school. Well I can't stop thinking about her for some reason, its not a physical thing, its more of a "jeeze this girl is really cool and I kinda wish I had met her on the street or in a bar". Is this totally wrong of me to like a stripper... I know that they are nice to anyone with money but she seemed genuine. And how should I go about trying to start talking to her outside of a strip club... I know they aren't allowed to give out personal info (I was kinda thinking about going back and giving her a birthday card since its comming up and putting in my email address so she can write me if she wants to). Or tell me if I am
just being totally foolish to want to get to know a stripper.
S.A., USA (via AOL)
A: Sounds like you've fallen for the spell of the Stripper - the Siren of the Stage. You're not the first. Actually, you may be one of the first to say, "it's not a physical thing." If you're of college age, it's at least a major factor!
Strippers are a dangerous game for most guys. Why? You touched on part of it, their job is to be really nice, sexy, not wearing a lot of clothes and make a "connection" with anyone with money. Generally patrons at these clubs have a few to drink before or during the show. Being that you're aware of this fact, you're ahead of the game.
KingLove believes that Strippers are fine citizens. Strippers (I think "Dancers" may be the more PC term) are from all walks of life, various education levels and experience. The only safe generalization is that they're very pleasant to see half naked, dancing and/or grinding.
The woman you met has captivated you. She sounds pretty bright, working on breaks to put herself through school, and obviously has a goal. That's good to have in someone you'd like to get to know and perhaps date. I also prefer girlfriends that don't party all the time with their Dancer pals, big bouncers and hangers-on at pseudo strip club places AFTER work.
I've been told that a lot of Strippers (just like a decent amount of people) are damaged goods. Dancers can be damaged by having problems in their past like abuse, bad relationships (i.e. Demi Moore in Striptease) or addiction that lead them to this life. Or they could just hate low paying jobs. Dancers quickly realize that their beauty can give them great power over men. Thus, they may be less experienced in relationships and sex that aren't power plays.
Enough on her - how about you? It's hard on most potential boyfriends. If you're a confident guy, and a guy that can deal with a potential girlfriend dancing half naked for guys at night, it can be fine. A lot of fellas aren't peachy with it, especially when their friends visit to see her or for a lap dance.
As far as I can tell, dancer dating has similar mixed results as non-dancer dating. However, at least one friend was surprisingly adept at dating these gorgeous women. He found that guys were constantly throwing money at them (literally) and telling them how sexy they were. He used reverse psychology - ignoring them, telling them their butts look a little big and talking about himself.
But seriously, he dated women that were by all scientific calibration tools "definitely out of his league." He merely treated dancers as normal people - really listening to them instead of just ogling their beauty. He was a genuinely nice guy and he got results by keeping it real - gotta love it!
Sounds like it's your approach, too. It's going to take a little creativity to meet up with her, but she may be worth it. Your honesty and card idea are worth a try. Love is always worth a try, especially when you can't get her off your mind! Let me know how it works out.
Best of Luck.
KingLove
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