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Will Dirty Talk Turn-On My Lover?
Q: Dear KingLove,
I was flipping through some internet sites...and a few of them said that some men like dirty talk.... and i was wanting to try it.... to see if my guy would like it... except that i am a bit shy... and don't know exactly what to whisper eroticly in his ear.... on the sites i looked at only mentioned books that one could buy and how to over come shyness.... so what type of dirty talk would you like to hear?
thanks, C.M., USA (via yahoo)
A: Hmmm, I kind of liked the way you asked me, "what type of dirty talk would you like to hear."
Seriously.
It shows you the power of words - or at least the right ones. True enough, dirty talk can be a great turn-on, and not only for guys to hear...saying something aloud can increase your awareness of action, bringing another sense in to play and heightening your own enjoyment. However, a few wise women have told me that nothing is more distracting than racking your brains to try to come up with something to say while he's fiddling around.
Note: No guy ever wants to hear you in the throes of passion begin with, "Uhhh...." If you're thinking of something good to say, "Mmmmmm," is better.
Also, while dirty talk is an aphrodisiac for lots of guys, it does not necessarily work for all of them. Launching into a tirade of verbal pornography out of the blue might make him wonder when the hell you became possessed by the Spirit of Porn Stars Past, or at the very least make him pause. So it might be a good idea to find out how he feels about all of this. The question I quoted above sure ain't bad.
Another very easy way for you to discover this is to stock up on some good phrases. Start with the professionals: erotic writers. Check out the fiction anthology section of your local bookstore -- you will find loads of compendiums of erotic short stories, poems, essays -- from vampire stories to sci-fi. (Of course, KingLove has a great assortment of erotic books) click on books at http://www.kinglove.com/catalog/adult_books_sexy_games.asp
KingLove has some erotica from Penthouse letters, as well as best women's erotica,most on the second page of the books area.
You can then start reading him bedtime stories. You can see if he likes it, and it will give you a feel for the language, and get you used to saying those naughty words out loud.
Eroticism is a matter of personal opinion, and what is stimulating to you might not be to him. If he likes it raunchier, you can always pick up one of the "Letters" books or a magazine from your local newsstand (or ask him to). These are often startlingly informative, and while there is less poetry of language, you will at least find out exactly what talking dirty is all about, and then some.
Another tactic you might try is simply describing what he is doing to you as he's doing it. Preferably prefaced with "I love how you..." or "It feels good the way you...." Describe what you see -- what it looks like, how it feels. Unpack your adjectives, and be detailed. Then describe what you're doing to him, and ask him if he likes it. Dollars to donuts he won't say no. But remember, you're not only trying to please him, you are in the mix yourself, and the best thing about intimacy is that it is *you.*
So if you're not comfortable with certain words or phrases, don't use them. Feeling guilty or icked-out is not a state you want to achieve -- and if he starts murmuring things you find alarming, let him know. (A well-placed "WHAT??? lets him know the deal.)
Oh, and a few words to avoid: "cute" "tiny" and yes, even the top cliche, "moist."
Best of Luck, and let me know how it goes.
Cheers,
KingLove
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