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The Night My Mouth Went on Autopilot
By El Camino
El Camino's Dating tip #2: Drink in Moderation.
I'm a virile hetero male in my 20's. Yes, I do my fair share of drinking. Alcohol has been good to me. I find I am at top notch when slightly lit, and it often results in a greater level of success with the ladies. However, sometimes as a night progresses and things aren't looking so good, I'll go ahead and drink myself beyond the coherency window. On any given night, a little extra liquor isn't such bad medicine for what's ailin' ya. But when on a date, it can prove detrimental.
I'd been on four or five dates with Julie and we got on well. There was mutual respect, good conversation, and a kind of intermittent spark that seemed to be enough for both of us. I made a date for dinner at 8, she said she would take the bus and meet me. I had a couple glasses of beer and went on my way.
The dinner started badly and I realized that the relationship was going nowhere. I resolved to make this our last date. Between bursts of trifling conversation, I tried to decide whether I owed her an explanation. It had only been a few weeks, but we did sleep together. I did not want to do explain, but I guessed she would ask for reasons if given the option.
It was a stressful decision made difficult by an uncomfortable dating situation. I needed a drink. And drink, I did. The last thing I remember, my mouth was on autopilot and I stole half of Julie's wine when she went to the restroom.
I woke up the next morning on my couch. Julie wasn't around. Somehow I'd made it to my house and my car was in front, but I couldn't remember taking Julie home. Actually, I couldn't remember much of anything. I took inventory of what I knew: I'd decided not to see her again, I got drunk, I talk too much under the influence. Things were not looking good. [Note to the audience and my pals at KingLove - I absolutely don't condone drinking and driving or black-outs]
Friends all thought it would be best for me to wait for her call. She calls, I'm okay. She never calls again, no big loss. Sounds reasonable, right? Well it didn't work for me. I don't do well with uncertainty, and I am more than a little curious. I had to call her.
"Hi, Julie? Yeah, it's me."
"Oh, how are you feeling darling?" (uh-oh, trouble)
"Well, I'm a little slow to the punch. That was...uh...some night. Have fun?"
"Are you kidding? Baby, I've never even dreamed of anything like that." (nervous interest)
"Oh, yeah? What was your favorite part?"
"Well, I've never been with another woman before." (AROUSAL)
I think I coughed, but she never heard it because the line went dead. It took me three weeks to figure out that she had taken a cab home from the restaurant after I told her I didn't want to see her again. I didn't run into Julie again until about 4 months later. I think I asked her out on a date and she called me pathetic.
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